Sahanamutho is not just a song but it is an answer, a promise, a prayer in my wait. It took me almost 8 months to complete this song, each line speaks of a story, a situation I encountered few years ago. Read further to know the story behind this song.
All of a Sudden I had to go through a valley of sickness, I was waiting upon God for my healing. After 7 months of wait I received a promise from God which says “You will certainly recover” as soon as I received this promise I thought my wait is going to end very soon, I thought I would give up on my pills & supplements and I thought I will no longer be a victim of physical and mental ugliness.
But God's plans and HIS time is different from my thoughts and my urge to see a breakthrough in my life.
Every day I used to cry, weep in the presence of the Lord for healing, I was too young to understand everything that's happening within me. I would feel devastated & depressed every time I looked into the mirror.
I suffered anxiety, suicidal tendencies, I was tormented by fear, fear of not getting cured, fear of rejection and fear about my future. For more than 18 months I suffered insomnia (sleepless nights, did not understand if it was a disease, disorder or because of my disturbing thoughts).I was treated with all kinds of medicines but nothing cured me. It was quite disturbing for me to process all this in my mind due to which I suffered anxiety attacks. Today I’m able to name all these sicknesses by their terms but that day I did not know what they are and why it is happening to me.
After waiting month after month for my promise fulfilment, one day I was vexed, the trembling thoughts in my mind drained my strength. I sat before God asking him if He can heal me that very day and that very moment. Again and again I prayed, asking God to make me normal. As the time fled my heart became heavy, I knelt and I silently mourned at his feet asking God ‘what you wants me to do’ to recover and restore from this ugliness. All night I was constantly asking God “What you want me to do Lord, what you want me to do”.
Early in the morning I got up from my bed, my eyes are wet and my heart is heavy I took my Bible and notebook sat down for devotion. I opened Psalms 40 (daily portion) I couldn't take off my eyes from the first line.
I read it again and again, from within I heard a soft voice saying” This is what I want you to do” I understood that I should wait for the Lord patiently. I stood up walked into my room through the window I raised my eyes into the sky and said ‘Yes Lord I will wait for you patiently’ that very moment I was filled with peace all over me the heaviness in my heart disappeared.
Unknowingly I opened my mouth and sang aloud the first lines of the song.
I opened my diary and wrote those lines to which I added the remaining stanzas in the later months.
I called this song A Journey because it led me to the fullness of his purpose. The first 2 stanzas narrate the struggle you read till now.
I was tested covid positive, suffered lung infection. I was on frequent check-ups and continuous medication. Due to lung infection I suffered breathlessness, chest pain & stiffness. Just like the whole world even I had to go through this disaster. In the beginning when my CT scan showed up infection Doctor said you need to be hospitalized if the tablets don’t cure. From the past experience of not getting cured I was scared and feared death. I was in quarantine for 30 days, I guess I spent the most dreadful nights between the four walls during that period.
Every night before going to bed I would read this verse ask God to keep me alive and grant me another day to my life. I would feel extremely happy and grateful to see the orange rays early in the morning falling on my window. I really understood the value of tomorrow and wrote these lines in my phone.
Only by God’s grace I was out of danger, though I had to go through issues like severe hair fall, throat discomfort, chest pain, breathlessness, fatigue. All these struggles did not stop me from praising GOD for the long life he has gifted. This episode in my life made me take the next step in faith.
I believed that ………
More than healing, I adored God’s Grace and Love for me. This is the very moment I wrote the 3rd stanza of Sahanamutho, encouraging myself that GOD’s love and grace will never forget me and I’m in HIS sight. Beyond healing, beyond promise I trusted God’s never ending love.
Yes, I was still battling with physical ugliness, for me a face mask is a luxury I can wear to cover my face to avoid people’s questions. I was very conscious about how I look and often felt insecure about the same. One day I was lost in thoughts thinking about people’s expressions and questions on my physical state. I was in the kitchen making breakfast and from the living room I could hear a bible verses being read, on hearing those lines I was reminded of the promise GOD has given me in 2019 during the rough voyage. I went into my room quickly opened the bible to check if it was the same chapter, same verse I was promised in 2019.
The 4th stanza was written from this situation.
God has reminded me once again that he has not forgotten me, He has promised and He will do it. I was assured again and again that God will make all things New in His time. From that day till now there is no turning back, I’m still waiting not with a heavy heart but with an assurance that I will surely reap the harvest of all the years I waited for GOD with JOY and Peace in double portion. Amen.
Take hope because Our GOD is GOD of Everlasting Love and Never Ending Grace. He never forsakes his children whose trust is upon HIM. Is there anything that is too hard for the Creator of the Heaven and the Earth? He renews everything in HIS time.
Remember God has plans not to harm you but to give you Hope and a Future. Yes, God is going to give you a Future, rejoice and be glad for God has good things for you. Nothing is Over , if God can make way through the red sea, He will make way for you in the midst of all your impossibilities.
Hope my story has encouraged you in your journey of HOPE to wait for him a little more. Lastly, I conclude Yes, Waiting is NOT EASY, NOT SIMPLE, but NEEDED to receive GOD’s best in your LIFE. Wait Patiently.
Don't forget to leave a message if my story has encouraged you , I would be glad to listen from you. I encourage you to read my previous blogs and be blessed. Thank You :)
